The last minute of your birthday.
Oh, look, you’re 28 and a day older and you cannot go back. It’s irreversible, hun, sorry. You are young and childish, and I love you and it’s irremediably.
Perhaps you have imagined that by now you would have a wife, not a fiancee and a friend; perhaps you have imagined that by now you would have some children and you wouldn’t be “the most childish in this household” anymore, but you do have a cat. The cutest cat in this household… We adore her.
I know I haven’t imagined this way; but you, I would never give you up. Neither our fights, our tears and your excuses. Our wounds and my excuses. Our rage and our excuses.
I met you when I needed to laugh most, and the Universe knows how much I needed to laugh afterwards, and I still need, life is not easy and sometimes love isn’t either. Job well done.
You haven’t done it any easier and I love you more for it. I know I didn’t either. I wear the “listen to me, I’m right” glasses everyday, and you are nice enough to ignore them.
I keep thinking that you were 25 when we met. 26 when we moved together and 27 when you’ve asked me to marry you…
You’re 28, a day and 15 minutes. I love you.
I find meaning in all lyrics I hear nowadays. In all poems I read. And not any kind of meaning, but I make them apply to me, to my feelings, my situation, my life.
I didn’t hit anybody, I don’t yell at people, this is how I make myself feel better.
And this weekend, the city I live in has its “birthday”.
Yesterday we were at a concert. Quite romantic music, holding hands but mostly hugging and singing…
And it felt good.
Yelling some of the lyrics, because some songs were a bit more ‘rocky’
There was a song “I want a miracle, I want a miracle in my life, I want a miracle, to be able to change something…”
Because I know how much this last year has made me grow…in strength and everything (and let’s not forget those 8 kg I put on, because stress doesn’t slim me…), but doesn’t help me much in understanding why it happened.
It happened because… headache and rain, November and dark, bad people and innocence.
I’ve learned some things… in the last few months,
I’ve learned not to judge people on appearances.
To give the benefit of the doubt
That friends are friends…for life,
To understand that every person has a story behind his or her smiling face
That people are suffering every minute, every second, and every now and then
That people make mistakes, more often than they’d like to admit
When people suffer, they like to show it,
In different ways.
Because people are unique by definition. Of course.
People are strong…
Well, some people try to be strong,
They don’t complain and try to smile, and leave their life as if nothing happened…
Until they crack, because… life.
There’s no sufferance bigger than another…
Except there is..
When it’s yours,
It’s the biggest.
It’s the fucking biggest.
If you’d take time to ask a person for his or her story,
You might discover a drama…
But mine’s a drama.
Sorry for not getting over it.
Sorry for getting negative,
But such is life.
(I actually wrote this because I was told at work that people say about me I’m negative[on the calls?]. It got to me, and I would really like to post this to my FB page. But what do you think? Is this like “look at me, I’m living a drama, I’m suffering”, or… more discrete and ok to share on FB? Thank you!)