First of all, that I’m laying in bed, with my laptop ( love), I’m doing my best here to write and my kitten keeps jumping at my hand on my keyboard. One scratch. Two scratches. Ten scratches. In a couple of seconds, my hand became the reflection of Mau’s playfulness.
Second of all, I’ve been a weird child and teenager…when I was one. I’ve always had the impression that I was weird and antisocial, invisible…
As a child, boys kind of ignored me, and when they didn’t ignore me, they just chose some other friend of mine over me.
As a teenager, I didn’t know many boys, although I thought I did, and, bear with me, please, I’ll get to the point, very soon.
I’ve known some boys and I’ve been friends with them. I’ve always enjoyed more the company of boys.
And here I am, 23 and in a happy relationship with a man and a cat, I’ve known very well what I wanted, and thought this relationship over so many times, before moving in with E. and having a kitty. And I still believe I’ve made the right choice.
Yes, happy relationship, but to be truthful I’m still not satisfied with some aspects. A lot. Let’s just say enough. Some. Many. The lack of sweet. The stupid jokes when I’m not amused at all. When I’m serious and trying to resolve our issues and he’s laughing at me.
And here I am, 23 and with a new job, in a medium with 70-30 boys… Men.
And they talk with me. They even joke. They smile at me sometimes, and ask me things. One of them told me he likes me. Well, as a friend. But “if you weren’t a smoker, you would be the perfect girl for me”, and of course, that scene in front of the elevators. Oh, you want to know the story?
Ok, so, we were both in a 15 minute break and were waiting for an elevator to come to take us downstairs. There are two elevators, you press the button with the direction of going you have (up or down), and see which comes first.
So he said “which do you think comes first?” , and I said “well, this one”, which meant the one right. And he said the one in left. And then he made a joke “what happens if mine comes first and you lose?”, I said I don’t know… He said “there’ll be something between us”. I laughed. Uncomfortably. Then he asked “and what happens if yours come first?” and I made a really ‘good’ joke, like “I’ll kick you somewhere …nice”
And then his elevator came and made a really uncomfortable situation, even more uncomfortable, as my eyes were attracted to the floor, maybe it was gravity… No. Anyway, that was it.
The thing is, I’m enjoying this. It’s nice to be given some attention.
But I am scared, too. I’m in a relationship of almost 2 years, and no relationship of mine was this long before. One of them even finished close to 2 years, in me cheating on A. with G…
But it’s nice the same situation. Everything is so…routine, still. And I’m trying to open E.’s eyes, but he… laughs at me.
Oh, well. I’ll rather not go there.
After all, I’m not the giving up type.